Fall is my favorite time of year. There is nothing more beautiful than driving down the highways and looking at the leaves changing their color. It always makes me think of life's changes. We are a lot like leaves. We grow, we get tired, sometimes we look bright, and then sometimes we look dull and fall to the ground. I was driving home from work today with a lot on my mind, and I was looking at some trees in my neighborhood that are going through this change. It reminds me of my life. Hunter and I were married on August 2 of this year which brought on a lot of change-getting used to living on a strict budget, having to share a bed with someone else, and all of the wonderful things that come with marriage. Like a leaf, I am in my dull period, waiting for my colors to change. I find myself tired and frustrated lately. I have so many dreams and aspirations that I want to achieve, but I can't seem to break down the "big wall." If anyone has ever read the book "The Last Lecture" you know exactly what I am talking about.
I highly recommend this book to anyone being of the appropriate age. I gained more wisdom in this small book than I might have learned over an entire lifetime. I was reading this book on our honeymoon in Mexico, and I didn't know the effect is was going to have on me. I knew this man had cancer and he had a couple months to live, but surprisingly his book wasn't about his cancer or how bad his life was; it was how to live your life to the fullest and how to live in love. My favorite part of the book came towards the end when Randy talks about what he will miss when he leaves the Earth. He speaks of his wife and his children. As I was reading tears were trickling down my face. I was completely engrossed in the book. He explained how sad he will be knowing that his little girl may not remember him, but he makes a promise to his wife to let his daughter know, "He was the first man to ever fall in love with her." At this point I completely lost it!!! I couldn't help but imagine myself in a couple years with a baby in my arms. I envision Hunter being the best dad. I knew this is exactly how he would feel if this was happening to him, and it made my heart smile. The more I read, my heart ached for this man. I kept thinking with every turn of the pages, I would see him fall down with grief and anger, but he didn't. His leaves were bright until the day he was sent in peace. The second most important part in his book is when he talks about "walls"; there are things in everyone's life that inspire you. It may be getting a new job, running a marathon but being out of shape, whatever you desire to do. These walls Dr. Pausch talk about are not placed in your life to make you miserable or weak, they are placed there for you to see how bad you really want it. He believed that if you truly have the desire in your heart to make something of yourself, you have to knock the walls down and go after it. I thought this was a great way to look at my life. I strive for so many different things, and I often wonder when am I actually going to do this. When will I know when the right time is? Right now I have 2 walls that are blocking me from doing something I desperately want to do. Maybe one day I will knock them down, but for now I'll keep on dreaming...
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